So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
