I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
