so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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