he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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