how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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