There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you traded sex for a burrito?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
