I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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