Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
