My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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