Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
