I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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