nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
