man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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