sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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