I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
