The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
