I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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