Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
