I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo