I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself