dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ladies don't puke and tell
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.