Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
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Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.