I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
