i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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