So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
