You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
