so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
