It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
