shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
