First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
