i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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