i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
