im six kinds of drunk right now
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
