Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
