He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
