youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
