Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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