Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
