True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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