I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
