do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
