I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
