sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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