this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
