what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
