I hope mine doesn't look like that
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
