remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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