i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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