You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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