Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
