Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
