i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it glows. i had to have it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
