It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
