what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
