I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
