I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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