dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
