I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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