i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
birth control should be required to get into college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize