So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
