You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
