Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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