Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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