Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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