So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
