her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
