You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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