I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
