Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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