She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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