Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
