He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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