gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
