she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
