I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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