i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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