the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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