would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
