He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
