I wish I could punch you in the face.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
