I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
